Where We Are
by TurtleChan
Summary: Being a soap opera star isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially when faced with hoards of fans, turn-coat maids, and tabloids! If Kharl wants to win the love of his life, he'll have to defeat his enemies first-- and fangirls can be violent!
1. Entrance of Kharl and the 'KKK!

**Author's Notes:** Hi, TurtleChan here. I know, I know! I'm supposed to be working on Snake Skin Boots, but I am slacking off. This one a special treat to all Dragon Knights fans. And if you have read my 'Vacation from Hell' story, then this one should make you roll even harder than that. ;) Well, get on with it!!! And please leave reviews...the more you review the faster I can write! See yah! 

)o(

**Disclaimer:** I wish I could own them all,  
And open up a mall.  
With Kharl as my clerk,  
Fedelta as my soda jerk.  
I would have Nadil's head,  
Above my bed.  
I want Rune's hair,  
And Rath's underwear. .' 

)o( 

Chapter One--  
Entrance of Kharl and the "KKK"  
By: TurtleChan  
Beta-Read by: Sarephtar 

)o(

"Please don't leave Jimmy-- I love you!" The girl sobbed as the young man in front of her walked away. He stopped short, whipping about to look back at her. 

"But... I don't love you, Christina." He snapped, eyeing the girl as she clung to his coat. 

"Tell me who she is! I know there's someone else!" She wailed, begging for an answer with her teary eyes. 

"I love your sister, Katrina." The girl stood shocked, breath caught in her throat. 

"Jimmy... why..." 

The television screen suddenly went black, and white credits flickered across it. 

"HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THAT KHARL?! YOU DON'T LOVE HER SISTER!" Tossing the half-full popcorn bowl aside, Rune leapt off the cushy barbershop chair. Running for the desk, he began to dig through the ceiling high pile of haircare products, searching desperately for the phone. There! No... He tossed the business cards aside, spending bits of white paper reading: Daring Dragon Salon, spraying everywhere. "HERE!" He grinned holding up the receiver. "1...3...5..." Speed dial whirled inside the ear piece. 

)o(

"Um, excuse me, can I order now?!" An impatient customer complained to the dark-haired waiter who was staring open-mouthed at a TV screen in the corner of the restaurant. 

"You know," the apron-clad young man finally barked back, realizing his customer was shouting, "I'm going through a difficult time here," he pointed wildly at the TV that was playing 'Where We Are' credits. "Can you just wait?!" A violent little ringtone interrupted the soon-to-be shouting match. 

"OH MY GOD!! DID YOU WATCH IT?" Rune's voice shouted through Rath's Motorola.  
"YES!" The waiter, whose plastic name tag read 'Rath' shouted back. "I CAN'T BELIEVE JIMMY DID THAT!"  
"Did you phone Thatz yet?" Rune asked, wondering if their friend had watched the episode.  
"Not yet. I call him right now!" Rath hung up without a good-bye and rapidly pressed buttons on his cell phone, searching for Thatz's name in the address book. 

)o(

"I OBJECT!" A voice roared through the quiet courtroom. As soon as the last echoes of the words died, the silence was broken again by a cheery little ring. "Umm.. I'll object... in a second." Thatz, business suit crisp, flushed with embarrassment as he reached into his briefcase. He rummaged about for the ringing phone without looking-- His eyes were glued to the mini TV playing the credits in his right hand. The judge glared daggers at him when a few papers dropped messily on the floor. "Excuse me for a minute." He muttered as he flipped open the phone. 

"OH MY GOD, DID YOU WATCH IT?!" An overly enthusiastic voice screamed through the speaker.  
"YES-- IT WAS SO SAD! HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY LOVE KATRINA, SHE'S A WHORE!" The Jurors jaws all dropped in shock.  
"Mr. Thatz," the stuffy old judge hissed, "That is quite enough foul langua-"  
"A-KA-PSH!! Was I **talking** to you?! NO!" The russet-haired lawyer turned his attention back to the phone. "I CANT BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED! You KNOW Katrina is sleeping with that other basta--"  
"MR. THAT-"  
"ZIP YA LIP!" He shouted at the judge, and returned to his chat with Rath. "I swear Katrina's sleeping with that other guy... What's his name... Oh yeah!! Mr. Guadeloupe!" 

"Mr. Thatz are we going to have to listen to your entire conversation or are we gong to finish this trial today?"  
"Can you hold on a second, Rath?" Thatz growled into the phone.  
"Yeah, sure." The young lawyer closed the Samsung and starting snagging papers off the desk. His pen.. His cup... His evidence... He picked up the phone again as he packed his things in his briefcase and slammed it shut. 

"Your honor, my client pleads guilty to murder!" He shouted hurriedly, running out of the courtroom, leaving his client and the jury staring after.  
"But... But.." the judge stammered at the defendant, "I thought this was a trial about parking tickets!" 

Thatz plowed through the wide courthouse doors smiling happily and making plans to meet Rune and Rath for pizza and "Where We Are" reruns, starring none other then their beloved Kharl. 'Rath taped my favorite episode, didn't he? Whoo!! I can't wait to see the one where Jimmy met Christina!' 

)o(

"Does... it... ever... end?!" Kharl wailed, out-of-breath, and slammed the door behind him, clicking the 20 or so odd locks into place. 

"I'm afraid the fangirls have killed off the last of your security guards." A sharp voice cut off Kharl's panting. A primly dressed young man, wearing the fancy uniform given only to Kharl's personal assistants, glazed out a broad window opposite the door Kharl had just so ungracefully run through. 

"THEY'VE KILLED THEM?!" Kharl, alias Jimmy, shrieked. "That's the 12th time, Garfakcy!! Can't we get someone to.. secure the security guards?" 

"Against that?" Garfakcy pointed out the window. Kharl crossed the room tentatively, not wanting to see what lie on the sidewalk below his third story flat. He drew level with his personal assistant and gasped, eyes flying open. 

"WE WANT KHARL!" the fan-army chanted as they spotted his face in the window. "WE WANT KHARL!" 

"I didn't know getting a cup of coffee would involve hundreds of fans chasing me! Honestly, cant they pick on someone else?" Garfakcy didn't answer, and Kharl watched the growing mass of fan-freaks in a sort of horrified silence. A sharp "RING!" made the soap opera star jump, and Garfakcy scurried over to grab the receiver. 

"Hel-"  
"WE WANT KHARL!" The now-deaf personal assistant slammed the phone down, glaring at Kharl, who looked ready to faint.  
"HOW ON EARTH DID THEY GET THIS NUMBER?" The actor cried, and Garfacky whistled innocently, beginning a backward sneak to the door. "WAIT! Where are you going?" 

"I'm j-just going down to the lobby to fetch a newspaper! I'll be back!" The young assistant insisted. "Oh, by the way, Silk called. Her number is on the kitchen table. She says it's urgent so you should call her right now!" Garfakcy raced out of the room, slamming the door (locks undone), and pounding down the stairs. Kharl meanwhile, was racing for the kitchen... 

Garfakcy dashed into the lobby, whipping out a small black cellphone and propping himself, panting, against a wall. As expected, the cellphone started ringing, and Caller ID flashed: Kharl. Assuming a disturbingly high voice, he giggled and pressed talk. 

"Ahem. Hello?" Kharl stood by the kitchen table, shaking in his expensive shoes, cheeks burning, trying to work up the courage to reply. 

"Y-y-ess! Um. Hi.... This is Kharl."  
"OH MY GOD! Kharl, like, how are you like, doing?" Garfacky stifled a chuckle, and grinned maliciously.. Silk was going to get what was coming to her! 

"Ummm- uh..I- uh... fine... What did you call for?"  
"I was like, um, wondering, if you would like to have dinner, like let's say six, at the pier?"  
Kharl was too stunned to reply for several minutes... _Oh my god! Was Silk, THE Silk asking HIM out to dinner?!_

"Uh, y-y-esss!" He stammered.  
"Ok, like, see yah then!! HEEE!!!!" Garfacky forced out another disturbingly high giggle and snapped the phone shut. He stood silent for a few minutes, but then burst into a fit of maniacal laughter. Needless to say, the Newspaper man who overheard the personal assistant's entire conversation was very frightened. 

Meanwhile, back upstairs in Kharl's flat, "CANT TOUCH THIS!" blared from the surround sound CD player, and Kharl was dancing up an MC Hammer storm on his wooden floor. 

"OH YEAH! UH-HUH! WHO HAS A DATE WITH SILK? I DO! I DOO!!" He stopped the CD player to glance at his watch. ACK!! 5:00-- He only had an hour to get ready! 

As Kharl was dancing like an immature schoolboy, Garfakcy was making a _very_ important call. "Here it is.." He muttered as he searched his phone's address book.. "Dial away!" The phone rang twice, and then a computer-sounding voice chimed in his ear: 

"Hello. This is theKrazy-and-Kraving-Kharl Hotline, bringing you 24-7 Kharl news! To enter the system, please state your name and password." On command, Garfakcy listed off his username--  
"Mad-Maid. Password is CantGetEnoughofKharl"  
"Kharl-fan, Mad-Maid, confirmed." The computer voice cheerfully replied,  
"Please hold until a Krazy-and-Kraving-Kharl operator can take your call." The voice died away, and the 'Where We Are' theme song started blaring in the personal assistant's ear. The song was cut off when an operator's voice said, 

"This is KKK, how may I help you?"  
"This is Mad-Maid. I have some important news about Kharl-- At six o'clock tonight, he'll be at the Pier, on a "date"."  
"OH MY GOD!" The operator started to hyperventilate. "HE'S COMING OUT!! I'LL SPREAD THE WORD!"  
"Mad-Maid, signing off." Garfakcy ended the phone call and remembered to grab a newspaper as he rushed back up the stairs. 

)o(

**Author's Notes:** Yeah that's it. If I get lots of reviews (please?) I'll post the next chapter soon.... But I also have school, and homework, and other retarded things to take care of... Well here's a sneak peek of the next chapter: 

_"GARFACKY! IT WAS HORRIBLE!! THEY TOOK MY SHIRT-- AND MY PANTS!"  
"So that explains the running around in your boxers."  
"THEY ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH THOSE TOO!" _

All that and MUCH more, in the next chapter:  


See ya soon!!!

)o(


	2. A Date Gone Wrong!

**Authors Notes:** Hi guys, this is the second chapter of "Where we are" and I'm sorry I took my sweet time writing it. No, I take that back, I don't regret taking time on it. Anyway, I won't take up your time any longer. Read and review, please! 

)o(

**Disclaimer:  
**I ain't gonna jack this, leave me alone.

)o(

**Where We Are**  
Author: TurtleChan  
_Beta-Reader: Sarehptar_  
**Chapter 2:**  
A Date Gone Wrong!

)o(

"Any minute now." Kharl watched his breath dance like mist into the cold night air. "She'll be here." He mumbled almost unsure as he tapped his foot on the rotten oak dock planks. Below, the sea rolled wildly, striking the dark pier-posts and sending waves of salty grey air over the Soap Opera star's face.

"I really appreciate you paying the tab for dinner tonight Rune." Rath smiled as he squeezed more ketchup onto his 'On the Pier' fish chips. Rune raised a blonde eyebrow dangerously.

"Who said I was paying? My career as a hair dresser is not going well, thanks to you two!" Rath and Thatz shifted nervously. They didn't force him to close the shop THAT often, did they? 'Wait,' Rune thought, 'If Rath isn't paying, and I'm not paying...' Rune's dark-haired companion seemed to be thinking the same thing, because they both suddenly looked over the unfortunate Thatz.

"No way: my client is in debt to his ex-wife, and the custody battle has been in court for weeks now, don't look to me for cash." He sank his teeth back into the oozing Triple Burger, ignoring the hot-sauce that dripped back onto his plate.

"I don't even want to talk about this." Rune growled, knowing he would end up paying the bill, whether he had the money or not. "I'm more concerned about today's episode."

"Oh my god!" Thatz hissed, recalling Christina's confession. "I can't believe Kharl would give up Christina's love for Katrina, that bitc-"

"Thatz! There are children in this restaurant!"

"Fine. That hussy."

"But, I feel bad for Kharl. Katrina doesn't love him, she loves Guadelupe." Rath mumbled, staring off into space, trying to understand the tangled love lives of his favorite stars. Rune sighed in agreement and took a sip of his diet Pepsi. Thatz propped his feet on the table (as all well-trained waiters, Rath shot him a dark glare) and began to hum along with the oldie squeaking from a broken jukebox in the corner. Suddenly, Rune's soda gave a suspiciously Jurassic ripple. In fact, the entire 'On the Pier' restaurant shook.

"Did you feel that?"

Kharl was starting to get worried: Silk was fifteen minutes late! She wasn't blowing him off, was she? No, she couldn't... He started to laugh at his own nervousness, but a sudden quake of the pier planks caught his attention. There: Looming out of the darkness, was a herd, no, a tsunami of people racing onto the pier! Wait... Why were 90 percent of them girls? And what were they screaming,

** "KHARL!!!"**

**_ "OH MY GOD!! ARGH!!!"_**

)o(

"Oh my god! KHARL!!! KHARL IS RIGHT OUTSIDE!" Rune and Thatz's waitress screamed as she fainted into Rath's soup bowl.

"Really?!" All three young men pressed their faces to their window. There- a poof of lilac of hair was sprinting through the growing crowd.

"IT IS KHARL!!!" They shrieked and bolted out the door, scrambling over the other diners. The pier was a living ocean of crazed woman, and through he ran as frantically as he could, Kharl was swiftly overtaken...

"Oh my god! I got his tie!"

"Oh my god! I got a strand of his hair!"

**"WELL GUESS WHAT?! I GOT HIS PANTS!!!!"**

)o(

_"They were everywhere Garfakcy! EVERYWHERE!!"_ Kharl slammed the door behind himself, panting and locking the deadbolt quickly. "GARFACKY, IT WAS HORRIBLE!! THEY TOOK MY SHIRT-- AND MY PANTS!"

"So that explains the running around in your boxers."

"THEY ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH _THOSE_ TOO!" Garfakcy sat the scared man down on the couch, and told him to take a few deep breaths. "Now, Mr. Kharl, without panicking, tell me in complete sentences why you only have boxers on."

"Girls...Nails...Screaming..." Garfakcy almost smirked. That was just like Kharl, crumbling after one little fan attack. But instead of giggling, or admitting the insider dealing that sent the fan girls after Kharl in the first place, he sat back on the couch, watching Kharl shiver in fear.

)o(

"This Kharl-Witness News 9, bringing you the latest Kharl, all the time. Currently, we have breaking news! Over to you, Kharlfan1018375438."

"Why thank you Kharlfan10192848312! Take your seats women, because there was... a Kharl sighting! Yes, not too long ago on the downtown Dragoon Dock, Kharl was spotted near the 'On the Pier' diner. Here is an incredibly lucky fan who actually saw Kharl, in person!"

"I... managed to... take a strand of his hair!!" The girl waved it energetically in front of the camera. "It's all mine!!" Suddenly, the camera crashed to the floor, managing to catch only the dashing feet that surrounded and then crushed hair-girl: a wild fan girl fight for the lilac lock!

)o(

Silk looked up from the dishes she was washing and glanced over at her tiny counter-top TV.

"What the-" she growled at the screen, which seemed to be showing a female football game: from the ankle down.

"This is... Kharl-Witness... News 9." A voice called weakly from inside the pile of feet.

"Oh god, who keeps changing my channels? CESIA! You know I hate this news show!"

"Sorry." A young woman called from the other room. Growling to herself, the blonde haired girl snatched the remote off the counter and crushed the Power button repeated, guaranteeing that the TV shut itself off. "Kharl..." Silk spat the name out like poison. "That conceited bastard! I SWEAR HE GOES OUT ON PURPOSE, JUST TO FLIRT WITH THE SWARMS OF WOMEN WHO SEEM TO FIND HIS IDIOTIC SMILE ATTRACTIVE!!" Cesia cringed as Silk plowed, raging, into the room. "Secretary," the miffed blonde huffed, trying to tone down her growling for the sake of her attendant, "Read off my schedule for tomorrow." The black-haired girl flipped a couple of pages in the appointment book in her lap and scanned until she found the day's date. "Tomorrow you have a rehearsal at ten, then brunch with Raseleane your costume-designer, then dinner at the Pearl around 6:30."

"Remind me why I'm going to the Pearl," Silk muttered.

"The 'Where We Are' cast party."

)o(

Garfakcy sat at the large coffee table, typing one-handed on his Dell 15" laptop, using his free hand to hold a Motorola.

"When will I get my payment?" Garfakcy growled quickly to the woman on the other end.

"You'll get your payment Mad Maid... after you tell us your newest Kharl information." The mysterious voice on the other line hung up, leaving the turncoat maid with an irritating off-the-hook noise. Snarling, Garfakcy slammed his expensive phone down onto the innocent mahogany coffee table. They wanted Kharl information, did they? He flipped through the star's day planner. Let's see.. Rehearsal at ten, brunch with Lykouleon, Kharl's scrawling hand had written "Mr. Director" beside that name, and later, a cast-party at the Pearl. That was enough dirt on Kharl-comings to put another million in "Mad Maid's" bank account!

)o(

Sarehptar tries to write something funny for Turtle:

Silk: KHARL!!!

Kharl: She's calling to me! O.o

Silk: LOOK!! LOOK AT THESE TABLOIDS! NOT ONLY AM I CHEATING ON YOU, BUT I'M CHEATING ON YOU WITH ELVIS, THE LOCH NESS MONSTER, AND BIG FOOT ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

Kharl: It wasn't me!

Silk: Elvis is okay, the Loch Ness monster is okay, but BIG FOOT?! HE'S ONLY A TINY BIT SMARTER THAN YOU!

Kharl: I'm very smart.

Silk: -.-'

Kharl: I am! I AM!


	3. The Busy Schedule or

)o(

Author's Notes: Dont you hate it when you can't end a chapter because there's so much you have to include to lead the reader further into the next chapter? That's kinda what happened with this chapter... I'm so sorry it took me sooo VERY long to write it, but I hope that you enjoy yourself!

Sareh's Notes: WAHHH! I'M SORRY! REALLY sorry! I've had this chapter in my e-mail bin formonths now and I haven't had a chance to beta-read it! FORGIVE ME! I promise I won't take so long with the next one, I promise! Oh, and kudos to anyone who can find US in this chapter!

)o(

Disclaimer:  
1, 2, 3: Follow me,  
4, 5, 6: We write fics,  
7, 8, 9: They're not mine!

)o(

**Where We Are**  
Author: TurtleChan  
_Beta-Reader: Sarehptar_  
**Chapter 3:**  
The Busy Schedule, or   
Mr. Guadeloupe Unveiled! 

)o(

_"Silk..." The sun glinted gently off the woman's golden hair as she reached up to stroke his cheek. "Silk..." He whispered again. "I love you." She smiled up at him. _

_"I love you too, Kharl."_

Garfakcy stepped into Kharl's bedroom and instantly shook his head: the lilac-haired star was muttering some strange words, a huge grin splashed across his face... How he managed to smile through his snoring, the green-eyed assistant wasn't sure.

_Kharl's pleasant laughter danced across an endless field of sun-drenched flowers. Off in the distance, Silk, beautiful hair streaming out behind her, was running towards him in ridiculously slow motion. _

"Kharl!" She shouted, smiling.

"SILK!" Kharl screamed in his sleep, and flopped over to the other side of the bed, effectively frightening his assistant.

"Kharl?" Garfakcy whimpered, worried that his source of income might be having a seizure.

"I'm coming Silk! Wait... for... me." Kharl flopped over again. Twenty twitching-minutes later, Garfakcy was beginning to get fed up. He'd tried shouting, he'd tried slapping, hell, he'd even dumped water on Kharl's head, which had brought about only more twitching and a sad little whimper:

"Oh no Silk, it's raining!" The clock in the hall chimed out nine. If Kharl got up right now he'd have 30 minutes to get ready and still make the "Where We Are" rehearsal on time... Garfakcy heaved a very fake sigh and muttered to himself (rather evilly),

"Well, we'll have to resort to Plan SYD!"(1) The well-trained maid crossed the room, and pressed a secret catch on the frame of a wall-painting. Instantly, the painting and frame swung outward, revealing a silver box embedded in the dry-wall. A quick push in the right place, and the box popped open, dumping a black device into Garfakcy's hands. "Time to wake up Mr. Kharl..." The black "device", more aptly called a "Taser Gun", began to spark with electricity. One quick jab, and the set-on-low stun weapon sent a huge jolt through Kharl's body.

"SILK! DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEE!" He screamed, leaping out of the covers and falling clumsily to the floor.

"Good morning, sir!" Garfakcy piped, "You should hurry, you have about half an hour to prepare for the ten o' clock rehearsal which, need I remind you, Silk will be attending!" This seemed to catch Kharl's attention, because the Soap Opera star shouted, leapt to his feet and raced for the bathroom.

"Garfakcy! Get my clothes laid out, please!" Kharl shouted over the faucet. The green-eyed young man growled to himself and trudged over to Kharl's closet, half frightened of what sort of things might be growing in there...

)o(

"Places everyone, places!" Lykouleon clapped his hands happily and took a seat in the canvas Director's Chair, which sported his name in fancy writing on its back. Swiftly, the blonde-haired man looked about, and a bewildered look swept onto his face.

"Where is my star?" He called, keeping his voice reserved.

"You mean the idiot?" Silk growled from the stage, rolling her eyes.

"Kharl is not an idiot." Lykouleon started to smile, but his mouth slipped into a little "o" as the aforementioned man, assistant in tow, came barreling through the entrance doors.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" Kharl shouted, and hurried through the camera equipment.

"Can we get started now?" Silk snarled sweetly, pulling on a fake smile.

"Yes! Kharl, if you please." Lykouleon gestured toward the living-room stage scene. Kharl approached the stage confidently, staring at Silk.The blondeglared in return.

'Stop staring at me.' She growled mentally.

'God, she's beautiful.' He grinned foolishly.

'I'm gonna stab your eyes out.'

'I wonder what she's thinking.'

'BURN IN HELL! BURN IN HELL!' She wanted to shriek, and only sheer will kept her from attacking his goofy face right then and there...

"Alright, people! Let's get rolling!" Lykouleon called cheerfully. The whole theatre fell silent and Kharl took his place behind the stage wing. Silk sat herself daintily on the tan couch-prop.

"Action!" Lykouleon yelled, which was Kharl's cue to enter.

"Where have you been?" Kharl shouted to Silk, allowing "Jimmy's" anger to leak into his voice.

"I've been out with friends. It's not really your business." Silk laughed carelessly.

"Don't give me that crap! Is it true? You're with Guadeloupe!" On cue, a door in the stage slammed open, revealing a fashion nightmare...

"Sweet darling, I'm home!" Fedelta swaggered into the room wearing a denim jacket, a maroon t-shirt, dyed-blue leather pants, muddy combat boots, and a black feather boa.(2)

"Guadeloupe."

"Jimmy." Eye contact sizzled between pair, but their perfect acting was suddenly interrupted by a loud noise from outside the sound stage. A security guard raced frantically over to Lykouleon.

"We have a problem!" He screeched pointing to the door, which began to quake. High and feminine voices drifted through the thick doors.

"1...2...3! KHARL!"

Lykouleon's eyes shot instantly back to the stage, but Kharl seemed to have mysteriously disappeared.

"Where'd he go?" Fedelta blinked.

)o(

The lilac-haired man pounded up the stairs and slammed through the roof door. Panting and frightening, he half-crawled to the side of the building, and looked down. There, on the ground below, was a sea of women (and men), most holding up signs with his name scrawled over them in neon and glitter. There was sharp knock on the door he'd just barged through, and spinning around, the star squeaked,

"G-go away!"

"It's only me!" Kharl's three-tone haired assistant peaked around the door. "Just stay up here for awhile boss. I'll call you when it's safe." He disappeared back down stairs again, chuckling evilly. The KKK had taken his newest tips... Heh, heh, heh... Mad Maid was going to be a rich man...

On the roof, Kharl curled himself into a very small ball, and began to chant "They're down there. I'm up here. They're down there. I'm up here. Breathe. Breathe."

"Attention! Attention!" A SWAT team member shouted into his megaphone as he leapt out of a black armored car. "Kharl has left the building! If _you_ don't leave now, we will escort you off the premises." Threatened by riot barricades and scary looking nightsticks, the fan-mob shrugged sadly and clambered back into their "WE LOVE KHARL!" fan-club buses and drove away.

A catchy little jingle interrupted Kharl's roof-top chanting. Quickly, the star uncurled himself and flipped open his cell phone.

"Oh. Garfakcy."

"Come on down Kharl, we have a brunch to attend."

)o(

The ridiculously diminished but incredibly popular, super fancy, horrendously expensive, brand new MINI-mini Cooper pulled up to the white painted curb of a quaint, tea-shop style café. Overly tall Kharl clambered out of his company-bought car and peered nervously over his shoulder, hoping a fan girl wouldn't leap out of nowhere.

"Kharl!" The soap star let out a gasp of fright and spun around. "Calm down, it's just me." Lykouleon smiled politely as he jogged over to the lilac-haired man. "I hope you're not all shook up from that fan attack." Kharl tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace. If he'd known acting was going to be like this, he wouldn't have started!

"I'm sure," he tried to reassure himself, "That it won't happen again today."

)o(

"I still don't understand why you hate Kharl so much." Raseleane asked as she and her passenger, Silk, got out of the company-owned MINI-mini and headed for the dark-haired costume designer's favorite café—the Trellis. Silk smile turned into a scowl, and she hissed,

"Kharl is an unethical, egotistical, uncaring bastard and the worst actor I have ever seen! Logically following the above statement, I've decided to ignore his stupidity and try my hardest to dodge his pathetic pick up lines, his cheesy smile and his dorky personality. His voice is annoying and his cologne smells like something got lost in his armpit and died. I hate the way he does his hair; I hate his confident little walk and his ridiculous sense of style. Does a blind man pick out his clothes! I wish he'd go broke, lose everything, and have to dance like a monkey on the street for access to the McDonalds dumpster! No… Better yet! I wish he'd fall into the sky! And as he passes through the atmosphere, I want his flesh to burn and peel and melt! I'd love to watch his bones turn to ash and become tiny atoms light-years away!" Almost panting, the blonde haired women finished her tirade with a flourish. Raseleane stared at the actress, mouth hanging wide open.

"You don't hate him!" The dark haired woman giggled as if Silk's entire paragraph of death threats had instead been a mixture of beaming compliments. The blonde's left eye began to twitch in fury.

"Do I need to repeat myself? I want to shove my foot up his a-" Raseleane quickly threw a hand over the blonde's mouth as they strolled onto the patio, mainly because the object of their conversation was sitting three tables away.

'Silk...' Kharl seemed to sense Silk across the way, because his light eyes were instantly drawn to her. Beside him, the green-eyed Lykouleon also seemed to have noticed someone.

'Raseleane...' The woman beside Silk met the Director's gaze full on, and golden-eyes bright, she whispered to her companion,

"Excuse me, for a minute." Raseleane raced for the restaurant, and across the way, Lykouleon excused himself with a similarly weak justification, leaving a disgusted Silk and a pleased Kharl behind.

)o(

After sitting there for 10 minutes, Kharl mustered up all his actor courage, and stood up, determined to speak to her. Warily, the blonde watched him stand up and begin to pick his way through the tables towards her. 'He's coming here. Oh joy.'

"Hi Silk." He smiled, seating himself next to her, trying not to look nervous. He wasn't nervous. He was Kharl. Super rich Kharl didn't get nervous. Unless, of course there were fan-girls around… Subconsciously, the star's eyes darted back and forth. He turned back to her almost sheepishly. "I really like your hair today." Silk rolled her eyes. 'Here we go, another day of Kharl talking my ear off.' "Um, I don't mean to pop your personal bubble, but-"

"Ha. You already have." She almost laughed. Across the table, her acting partner, taking her comment as a joke, smiled brightly. "I just wanted to know where you were at 6:00 yesterday." She flashed him a puzzled look.

"Um... What are you talking about?" Kharl laughed a bit, completely oblivious to her 'what-the-hell' tone.

"You know, the date we planned to go on. 'Meet me at the Pier at six?' Remember?" Kharl smiled hopefully. The blonde woman's face went slack before twisting dubiously.

"You must be thinking of a recent dream you've had, because I would never go on a date with you." His innocent little smile fell instantly, and his normally chipper expression vanished in a second. _I'd never go on a date with you..._ His shoulders slumped on their own, feeling the weight of the suddenly thickening air. Wow… Silk almost felt bad for him. That hurt little look was really-

"THERE SHE IS!"

"GET HER!" Silk turned away from Kharl's heart-broken look and spotted two vehicles out of her nightmares: "We Love Kharl!" fan buses. Instantly, she leapt out of her chair, snagged her purse and raced for the café gate, just as the typical crowd of fan girls began to pour out of the lilac painted vehicles, clutching their tools of destruction, more properly known as Kharl merchandise. Three girls waved Kharl baseball bats energetically, another five snipped about wildly with their "Perfect Purple Puff" hair-styling scissors. Silk dug furiously through her bag, searching for the MINI-mini's keys, which should have been near the top. Oh shit. Raseleane had them. Realizing that she couldn't escape by car, Silk took off running, ignoring her relatively high heels, and praying the fan girl hoard wasn't planning on using those bats… Desperately, Kharl jumped up to follow her, but the female stampede rolled around and past him, chasing his blonde love interest and blocking his escape.

"Silk!"

"Kharl!" A fan girl shrieked and grabbed his hand. "Come with me Lord Kharl!" He tried to break free, but another group of girls clambered over, grabbed his clothes and managed to push him into one of the large buses. Kharl pressed his face toa purple tinted window and caught sight of Silk racing through a crosswalk, with a herd of fan girls viciously gaining on her. Kharl ignored the young woman who was handcuffing him to his seat. It didn't matter that he was a prisoner, it only mattered that someone had to save Silk!

)o(

She couldn't feel her feet. Her heart seemed to have lost control of its normal rhythmic pattern, and her breath was coming in ragged gasps as she continued dashing away from the tsunami of freak women. This was all his fault, she thought. If only- Her angry thoughts caused her lose concentration on the ground, and, sealing her fate, she tripped. DUH DUH DUM!

"NOW'S OUR CHANCE!" One after another, the rabid girls began leaping onto Silk, bats at the ready.

On one of the buses, Kharl tried jamming the handcuffs, hoping they might break and he could run to his love's rescue. No such luck. The engine began to rumble, and the fan girls that had secured him took their seats, leveling their hungry glazes on the poor innocent soap opera star.

)o(

After several minutes of beating, and many calls of 'Katrina, you whore! Cheating on Jimmy! We hate you! You broke Kharl's heart!', Silk was brought to her feet. She couldn't see—they'd thrown a sack over her head and tied it at the neck with some lilac colored yarn. Completely helpless and severely bruised, Silk was forcefully led somewhere, up a couple steps, and then sat down on a chair.

"Let me go! I'll sue you!" Silk screamed, attempting to get up.

"Sit down and shut up." The crazed women growled, as an engine below them roared to life.

Raseleane and Lykouleon walked out of the Trellis café, hand in hand, beaming. The dark-haired woman glanced up and her expression slipped into shock: half the tables and chairs had been tipped over, the plants had been trampled and…

"Where did everyone go?"

)o(

"This is Coon bus to Turtle bus, do you read me?"

"Roger, we have got the target, over."

"That's a double roger, we gots the sacrifice."

"Should we take em to "the" place?"

"You mean, "the" place?"

"Oh, yeah!"

)o(

"Kharl! Welcome darling!" A short-haired brunette woman batted her eyelashes in his direction, as the fan girl crowd escorted him into her huge warehouse looking building.

"Uh, do I know you?" He stared bewildered at the beguiling woman.

"My name is Cernozura, but that's enough talk darling! Girls, make him comfortable." The young ladies followed her orders and escorted him up a red carpeted aisle. Now the red carpet would have been almost ordinary, if it hadn't been lined by more cloaked women, eyes to the floor, arms raised in a position of worshipping. And there, at the top of the carpeted staircase was… a golden and velvet throne! The fan girls, unusually adept at clinging, managed to force him up the steps and onto the throne, were one of the dark cloaked woman laid a crown on his head.

"What's going on?" The first thought that dashed through his head was that he had been taken prisoner by an escapedpsychiatric patient. "Who are you people?" He almost glared at the brunette woman.

"Oh darling, I'm so delighted you asked—we're the cult branch of the Krazy and Kraving Kharl organization."

"The… Krazy and Kraving Kharl organization?" What the hell?

"Enough talk darling!" She turned to the mass of girls behind her and, smiling, called softly, "Bring the sacrifice!" The double doors below him slammed open, and YET ANOTHER gaggle of girls pulled a hooded figure inside. Kharl didn't need to see her face to know who it was. "And now, the sacrifice!" One of the women ripped the bag off the figure's head, revealing exactly who he expected.

"SILK!" He shouted, horrified by what the fan girls had done to her.

"Yes! Silk…" Their brunette leader spat the name out like poison. "The vile, treacherous witch! She's cast an overpowering spell on our beloved Kharl!" The fan girls gasped.

"I'm not a witch!" Silk shrieked, and tried to kick out at her captors.

"Speak not! I know-" At a very inopportune time, Cernozura's cell phone rang. "Excuse me for a moment, I'm being chirped." With her attention diverted, Kharl began to glance around the room. How could he escape? How could he save Silk? The stairs gold-polished banister glittered in light flittering down from roof windows, illuminating the point to where the banisters on both sides led—directly down to a miserable and barely standing Silk. What could he- Was that a… Yes, in the corner was a giant, carved monument of him! It must have been 40 feet tall! Why… Why was it orange? He took a closer look at it and realized that it hadn't been made out of smooth stone like he'd thought, but out of… bars of Dial soap! Well, that explained the clean smell...Seriously perturbed, the lilac-haired star turned away from his orange likeness and glanced at the double doors. Was that a rack of keys? A plan began to form in his mind. The woman ended her phone call and looked back up to her prisoner-lord.

"You'll have to forgive me," she smiled to the other women with a very poignant expression. "Headquarters got a call from Mad Maid." He ignored their babbling and went back to formulating his perfect escape route. All he needed now was… Pale eyes darted to the ceiling and found exactly what he needed: a fire sprinkler. Grinning, he leapt off the throne and swept the crown off his head. Smiling, he stood up,and pulledthe crown off his head. With one dramatic actor's bow, he shouted:

"FAREWELL!" and flung the crown towards the sprinkler. It nicked the edge, and instantly, water started pouring down on the girls below. One tripped, the many other sprinklers of the building went off in assembly line fashion. The girls began to squeal and complain about their hair—an excellent diversion!

Quickly, Kharl leapt on the banister and slid past the complaining cloaked worshippers. He held out his arms as he reached the bottom, and in one skilled swoop, the lilac-haired star pulled Silk into his arms, threw himself off the banister and raced for the doors. Just as expected, the quickly spraying water had started to effect the carved soap statue, and enormous orange bubbles began to roll off it in droves. With a nervous glance at the advancing wall of cleanliness, Kharl snagged a ring of keys off the hook near the door and dashed outside, Silk screaming in his arms.

"Let go of me!" She shrieked, determined to get away from the person who caused this whole ordeal.

"Please stop hitting me!" Kharl said as he carried her quickly to one of the buses, and sat her as gently as possible in the row across from the driver's seat. Silk glared out the bus window, and watched as the high glass panes of the KKK cult's factory building blew out and began to leak bubbles.

"I'm going to get a lawsuit against that crazy bit- Wait… Where are we going?" She turned to look at him when he managed to start the bus with one of the stolen keys. He glanced at his Rolex watch (how had it survived the water?) noticed that it was nearly 5:30—they had less than an hour to make to the cast party on time…

"The Pearl."

"Are you crazy!" She howled at him, "I'm not going to The Pearl looking like this!" Kharl glanced over at her and cringed. She looked like she'd been run over repeatedly by a 16 wheeler: both of her eyes were black, a couple of scratches were bleeding lightly on her cheeks and neck. Her beautiful arms had been bruised by those rather dangerous baseball bats, and when she'd tripped, her elbow had been badly scrapped. Her designer pants had been torn and her "Where We Are Star" top was covered in dirt from when the KKK cult had dragged her through the flower bed. "LOOK OUT!" Silk screamed, and Kharl tore his eyes away from her in time to realize he'd been letting the bus drive itself. Not smart, not safe. He jerked the wheel frantically to avoid hitting another car, and ended up careening dangerously through an intersection.

"LOOK, A RITE AID!" Kharl shouted and swerved the bus into the parking lot, screeching to a stop over four normal parking spaces.

"Why are we at Rite Aid?" Silk growled and pointed dramatically at the red neon sign outside the bus. Kharl, a large reassuring grin on his face, hopped out of the driver's seat.

"I'm going go buy you some makeup!" He leapt down the stairs and raced the doors of the Pharmacy.

'Hm, facial hair remover? ...No. Womanly needs, umm... Canned food... Ah! Cosmetics!' He attempted to walk casually down the aisle, which was full of women and shelves of different mascara, lipstick, lip-gloss, eyeliner, eye shadow, blush and the product every young woman can not be without: concealer! 'I wonder if Silk is a Fire Engine Red, or a Shimmer Pink?' He stood there for several minutes, trying to visualize each eye shadow on his beloved, and frightening some of the older women on the row. 'Hm… Shimmer Pink it is. Now, is Silk a Luscious Lavender or an Obscure Orange?' Another few minutes of thinking and another couple strange stares… 'I think the Obscure Orange would certainly define her beauty. Geeze, I never knew choosing makeup would be so difficult! Anyway, Obscure Orange lip-stick it is!' He started gathering more products. "Ooh, Glimmering Green is such a wonderful blush color!" The old women hurried away from the strange makeup-buying man.

)o(

Silk sat waiting in the bus, impatiently drumming her fingers against the lilac-tinted window pane. It would be pointless to escape now; where would she run to? This Rite Aid was miles from her house, and the Pearl party was important as far as securing her place in the cast for the next season… Suddenly, Kharl dashed back up the steps and waved a bag of products in Silk's direction.

"Ok. I got some makeup, so we can cover up the massive damages to your face now!" Silk stopped herself from slapping him, but only barely. The lilac-haired young mangrinned, and popped the top off the Obscure Orange. He reached out gently and attempted to put some on her pouty lips, but she turned away.

"I don't think so." Silk reached up to grab the tube herself but she grimaced in pain and dropped it quickly.

"See? You shouldn't be moving at all. Trust me, I can do it!" Heaving a sigh and weighing her options, Silk gave in.

"Fine," she growled and slowly closed her eyes.

)o(

"Come on Rath! Can't you get us a reservation? You work there, don't you?" Rune begged from the front seat of Thatz's Bentley. "It's been booked weeks in advance! There's no way you guys are getting into night. But, I'll just be your average waiter…" The black haired boy smiled from the back.

"Good thinking." Their russet-haired driver-friend grinned and punched the gas at a green light.

"Hey, Thatz? I've been wondering… You've been complaining about not having money for a while now, so how ever did you manage to afford this brand new car?"

"Um…" Green eyes darted nervously away from his blond interrogator.

"You haven't done illegal have you?"

)o(

A line had already formed outside the doors of the glamorous 'Pearl,' where inviting, elegant high paned windows glittered with reflections from the indoor chandeliers. Still driving a bit erratically, as he found it hard to concentrate on any other than his bus-mate, Kharl pulled the "We Love Kharl!" bus to a jerky stop down the road from the restaurant.

"I didn't have time to change." Silk sighed and stared at her trashed outfit.

"Don't worry, I hear the Grunge look is really in right now!" The pair, or the two-people-unfortunately-thrown-together-by-cruel-fate, as Silk would have labeled them, hurried up the street.

)o(

Rath grimaced and pulled on his waiter's vest quickly, hoping no one had noticed a fancy Pearl attendant getting dressed in the alley. Now, he wouldn't have had to put his uniform on there, but _Thatz_ had neglected to explain the plan beforehand... Rune, almost humming, quickly ran a comb through the boy's dark hair, adding every product he could think of, as quickly as possible.

"Now, you call us on the cell as soon as you're in, okay? Oh, and this-" Thatz pulled out a tiny gold pin and poked it onto Rath's lapel. "-little guy has a tiny camera hidden inside, so we'll be able to see everything. Don't lose it." Rune finished fussing with Rath's toss-about hair and returned his million or some odd products to their impossibly small bag.

"Thatz, where did you learn all this? And where'd you get this stuff? There's enough technology here to break into a bank."

"My expertise is _criminal_ law…" While the younger dark-haired boy pondered the meaning of that sentence and Rune glared daggers, the lawyer in question popped an earpiece into Rath's right ear. "Okay, now go inside."

Nodding, Rath pushed the Bentley's door open and leapt out into the quickly chilling evening air. A flash of his nametag got him past the restaurant's 'bouncer' and, cool as a Kharl-obsessed cucumber, he strolled inside. Meanwhile, Thatz turned on his handheld television, usually set for the Soap channel, and picked up on the frequency of Rath's lapel camera. Completely unfamiliar with machines that didn't relate to hairdressing, Rune quickly lost interest and turned to stare out the car window. A fated movement: he immediately caught sight of Kharl and Silk hurrying (as only celebrities can) toward the front doors.

"Thatz, look!" The young lawyer glanced through the glass, following Rune's gaze. "Hurry, get Rath!" The blond hairdresser shrieked. Spellbound at the sight of his favorite star, Thatz slowly picked up the microphone. "Rath. Come in, Rath."

)o(

Silk felt extremely awkward entering The Pearl with Kharl.

"Don't stand next to me." She hissed behind her hand, and as quickly as possible, raced off to Cesia, who was holding a table near the right wall. Suddenly alone, Kharl caught sight of Garfakcy, who was waving at him from a table on the opposite wall.

)o(

Rath, laden with trays already, pushed his way out of the kitchen. He turned about and almost ran face to face with his favorite purple-haired character. It took every ounce of his restraint not to drop the plates right then and there. Jimmy bustled past him without glancing back twice, and suddenly Rune's voice chimed in his ear.

"Rath!" The waiter raised his wrist to his mouth and spoke intothe cuff-link microphone.

"Yeah?"

"Kharl and Silk are inside. Do you see them?" Rath nodded, then realized they couldn't see him, and muttered an affirmative answer.

"He passed right by me!"

"Listen to me Rath, listen real close! You have got to talk to him… Give him my card!" Rune's advertising voice was muffled when Thatz added:

"Offer him my services—I do restraining orders!"

"Uh… Okay!"

)o(

"Silk… What the hell happened to your face?" Cesia peered at her curiously, and one of Silk's elegantly sculpted eyebrows darted up on her forehead.

"Kharl, where have you been?" Garfakcy asked, and the lilac-puff star quickly took a deep breath.

"I'll tell you where I have been, I-" Rath nervously approached the table, and poured complimentary water into Kharl's glass, then Garfakcy's, trying not to notice his own arm shaking violently.

Rune and Thatz closely watched the screen, growing anxious as Kharl and Garfakcy looked at Rath with identical bewildered expressions.

"Rath, stop shaking!" Thatz hissed into his end of the microphone. Immediately, the dark-haired boy's arm stopped trembling and hung limply in the air.

"Um, Sir, are you alright?" Kharl asked, concerned that the poor young waiter might be having some sort of seizure. Rath began nodding his head wildly.

"RATH, SAY SOMETHING!" Rune howled in his ear.

"Y-Yes of course, I'm perfectly fine." In the Bentley, the pair of young men took a collective deep breath and wiped the sweat off their brows.

)o(

"What do you mean 'What's wrong with my face'?" Silk questioned. Cesia, quite disturbed, reached into her purse and pulled out a small mirror. Silk took one look at her horribly coloredeyes and almost screamed. Just as the mirror was about to fall out of her hands, a loud voice rang out:

"THERE SHE IS!" In answer, all the diner's eyes darted up to the ceiling, where a group of the black swath women were repelling like James Bond from the grand chandelier. Most were wearing black ski masks, and all were equipped with powerful looking paintball guns. The tallest woman in the middle, Cernozura, took aim and began to ease back the trigger. Kharl's mouth hung open in shock, Garfakcy glared, and Rath gasped as he noticed the target-

"What are the KKK doing there?" Thatz growled from inside his car. "They must want to take out Silk and snag Kharl!"

Seeing the leader's intent, Kharl reached across the table, snatched up Garfakcy's spoon and a scoop of mashed potatoes, and with a careful bend, sent the white goo flying toward the crazed cult queen. "My eye!" She shrieked, and then pointed toward Silk. "Get her!"

"RUN SILK!" Kharl shouted, and as if on cue, hundreds of paintballs went shooting through the air. The guests leapt under their seats and tables, screaming. "Let's get out of here Silk!" Cesia cried asthe blondecrawled under their own booth, shrinking from every ball that splattered in their direction.

Cernozura spotted the blonde's leg beneath the table and took aim again. At a very inopportune time however, her cell phone rang. "Hello?" She growled, and shifted her hold on the paintball gun.

"I told you," A young man's voice hissed through the phone, "Only 10 minutes."

"I'm sorry Mad Maid, our team will clear out."

)o(

"Hey, you two, come with me!" Cesia peered out from under the table and almost bumped foreheads with a dark-haired waiter. "This way." He snagged her hand, and gestured to Silk, managing to lead them both away from the still firing paintballs and the retreating KKK. The waiter lead them out the back kitchen door into the alley, and then disappeared again into the main dining hall. Rain had just begun to fall, and Cesia opted to remain safe and hidden among the warm stoves, but Silk didn't mind the weather as long as she wasn't anywhere near-

"Silk..."

"ARGHH!" Kharl, covered in paint, stumbled out of a dark corner.

"OH NO! You stay away from me!" She said, and raced out into the partially lit sidewalk.

"Silk, please wait!" He hurried after her, not really caring that his expensive suit was getting soaked. "I- I don't understand… Why do you hate me?" She slowly stopped running and pivoted back toward him, ignoring the raindrops that sent her hideously done makeup running in colored rivers down her face.

"Why do I hate you? Why do I hate you? Look around! Look at ME!"

"You're beautiful."

"Shut up! SHUT UP! Just go away—you're ruining my life!" She lowered her glaring eyes to the wet sidewalk, turned and walked away, trying not to think about his pitiful little expression.

"But… Silk…"

)o(

Author's Notes: Mwahahahahaha! Don't you just hate endings like that? I'm sure Sareh made it a lot more serious—she told me she would, but it still sorta.. Well, I promise the funny will DEFINITELY come back next chapter, in full bloom. Lord I hate cliffhangers… Not knowing what is going to happen next… Sitting there with your eyes glued to the screen, wondering 'What in the world is gonna happen!' Your brain itches to find the answer, but somehow your mind goes blank! And there's nothing! NOTHING I TELL YOU! So, even though this wasn't too big of a cliffie, I've brought a clip of the next chapter! Yeah, I'm bored.

**Notes:**  
(1) "Plan SYD" or, "Plan: Shatter your dreams!"  
(2) While the clothes are made up, the feather boa is not. I actually have a picture of Fedelta in a maroon jacket and feather boa. Scary.

)o(

Preview Powers:

_I have to find out why Silk hates me so much! And the only way to find out… is to investigate! I know! I'll become… A private eye!" Somewhere from downstairs, cheesy and dramatic music strained out of the stereo._

"I didn't know Silk used REVLON!" Kharl gasped, "I love her!" Quickly, he snatched "Bright Blonde" off the shelf, ignoring Garfakcy hissing, "You are a freak," behind him.

"I must get REVLON so Kharl can love me!" A fan girl squealed when she noticed his purchase. The store clerk restocking the shelf behind her sighed and muttered,

"I'm sorry ladies but, we're all sold out of Revlon and we're not due for another shipment until next month."

"NEXT MONTH!"

"Ms. Silk, there's a phone call for you!" Silk snagged the receiver off the wall and called politely,

"Hello?"

"OH PRETTY BABY! DON'T LEAVE ME DOWN ON PPPPRAAAYER, OH PRETTY BABY! NOW THAT I'VE FOUND YOU THERE! NOW LET ME LOOOOVEE YOUUU BABYYY LET ME LLLLOOOOOVEEEE YOUUUUUUUU-"

"KHARL! Oh god, you sound like a sick whale!" She threw down the phone like it had turned into a snake.

See you next chapter: PrIvAtE eYe!

)o(


	4. Secret Stuff for Stalking People

**Author's Notes:** I hope you enjoyed the last chapter, and I thank my beta reader and my reviewers for supporting me and this crazy story! Well, I won't delay you any further… Read, darling, read! 

Beta-Reader's Notes: I am so sorry. I've had this chapter on my computer for like… two months now! TurtleChan has already written like three more chapters (and they are incredibly funny, I must say), and I'm just now beta-reading this one. Shame. Shame on me, especially since I promised I wouldn't do something like that again! You can all officially hate me now.

**Disclaimer:** TurtleChan had this wonderful rhyme for you all… But I thought it was more likely to incite lawsuits then prevent them, so I had to get rid of it. I'm so boring; I'm going to make you all suffer through a standard disclaimer. Take a look at this story lawyers… Does it look like we own Dragon Knights!

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Chapter 4  
Secret Stuff for Stalking People (to the Extreme)  
**By: TurtleChan**  
_FINALLY Beta-Read By: Sarehptar_

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"She hates me!" Kharl tossed aside the daisy's last white petal and shouted in outrage. Slumping lifelessly, he tossed the plucked stem aside and mumbled, dejected, "She really hates me?"

"Of course. Surprising isn't it, how I knew that all along?" Kharl's pale eyes darted up to land on his tiny tan assistant. Garfakcy, black suit immaculate, chuckled darkly. Kharl, determined not to give up on his tragic love, seized another flower from the innocent neighborhood shrub. "Are you still in Kindergarten?" Green eyes flashing in annoyance, the tri-color haired young man crossed his arms and scowled pointedly. Kharl, eyes half filled with rejected-teen tears, ignored his little assistant and began plucking the pale petals again.

"She hates me not..." He droned.

Garfakcy sighed and wandered into the other room. With a quick glance to assure his boss would not sudden burst into room, the short man whipped out a Dell laptop, using his dark sleeve to muffle the "Booting Up" noises. Swiftly, he clicked on the mouse, bringing up the site he had set as his homepage: a lilac and white fiasco, coated with pictures of Kharl. Across the top, in a color coordinated letter and shiny font, was the anachronism: KKK.

"SHE HATES ME!" The love struck soap star wailed pitifully, causing Garfakcy to jump in fright and slam the laptop's lid closed. Pleasantly, as if he had been innocently observing Kharl's furniture, he waited.

"She hates me, she hates me not..." Kharl went back to slaughtering the flora. Garfakcy sighed exaggeratedly in relief and jerked the computer open again. In the corner of the hideously pastel page, a chibi Kharl pointed out a log-in box. With the 100 words per minute skill of a personal assistant, he typed in his KKK username and password. A doctored and mechanical version of Kharl's voice squeaked over the speakers.

"Welcome Mad Maid. You have one unread message." Garfakcy raised an eyebrow and removed his sleeve from where it had been placed to muffle the noise. Curious, he click the floating envelope icon. With swift and well-programmed actions, the tiny envelope grew large and folded outward to display its message.

Dear Mad Maid,  
We are dissatisfied with our last meeting with Kharl. It was not what you promised darling, and we in the Cult division have to determined to withhold the promised funds until we given a better opportunity to shamelessly take pictures of our favorite stalkee. Hope to hear from you again darling!

Regards,  
Cernozura  
KKK, Cult Branch President

"Damn." The little man-maid shut the computer once more with a snap and glared in the direction of his boss's room.

"She loves me not…"

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Silk slowly walked down the street, humming to herself and enjoying the pale morning sunshine. A nice day. A nice Kharl-free day. Suddenly she could hear rapid footsteps pounding behind her. As the actress quickened her pace, the footsteps picked up too. Then, without warning, dozens of zombie-like Kharl dolls leapt out from trashcans, bushes, the mailbox. She let a blood-curdling scream when she realized just what they were chanting:

"Silk..."

"GOOD MORNING!" The howl of her perky alarm clock jerked the blonde from her nightmare with a gasp of fear. A thin, cold bead of sweat trembled down her temple. "Today should be nice and sunny with temperatures of--oh!" The weatherwoman on the radio sighed overly dramatically and then screeched, "Screw the weather! Let's talk about The Pearl and the paintball shoot out!"

"Let's not and say we did." Silk groaned, switching off the alarm clock radio. Last night seemed like eternity away, but she could still the stains of blue and green paint in her once beautiful blonde strands.

"Silk, breakfast is ready downstairs-" Cesia called, entering the room with a knock.

"Thank you Cesia. I'll be down soon." She sighed, thoughtlessly running her hands through her hair.

"-and, there is a phone call waiting for you." Cesia continued, scurrying out of the room to avoid having to answer her boss's obviously question: who would be calling this early? Silk reached for the phone on her nightstand; quickly she pressed the 'talk' button.

"Hello?"

"You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you... You're like Heaven to touch...I wanna hold you soo much!"

Silk froze in fear. She recognized that awful voice! Howling, the actress slammed down the off button and hurled the offending appliance across the room. _It couldn't have been…_

"Ms. Silk, are you alright?"

"Yes Cesia." Silk climbed off the bed and walked over to her dresser. Still shivering in what she hoped was unnecessary fear. Sliding the drawer out and pawing through the neatly folded pairs of pants, the green-eyed woman froze again when, suddenly, the phone rang. As if in a horror movie, Silk, moving almost in slow motion, turned her head toward the phone that lay across the room.

"Ms. Silk! It's for you," Cesia yelled from downstairs.

Silk trembled, forcing herself towards the phone. She clenched the phone like a ticking bomb, and ignored the cold sweat that had returned since waking, she pressed the talk button and lifted the grey plastic receiver to her ear.

"Hello?"

"I LOVE YOU BABY! AND IF IT'S QUITE ALRIGHT, I NEED YOU BABY!"

Silk hurried to hang up the phone.

"UGH!" In one mighty throw, she shot it out the fifth story window into the traffic jam below. Exasperated, she slammed her window and hurried downstairs.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Last night... was… awful." Rune droned, stumbling into their communal living room. His hair looked like playful rats had had their way with it, and his green gel eye mask swung useless from one ear. Across the room, Rath waved weakly from the couch.

"Killlerrrr headache..." Rath moaned and reached up to brush the bangs from his eyes, succeeding only in tumbling off the couch pathetically. "Ow..."

Suddenly one of the bedroom doors rolled open, and a wild (more wild than normal) haired Thatz clung to the doorframe.

"Hang...over..."

Rune caught sight of his friend's bedraggled appearance managed to groan one word: "Make...over..."

"Does anyone remember what happened last night?" Rath whimpered, clutching his head.

"Kharl...Paint...Silk...KKK...Mysterious tea from cult girl…" Thatz groaned weakly clambering into their safe kitchen area.

Rune glanced at the watch he'd forgotten to take off last night. For a few moments, the numbers spun uselessly in his cloudy eyes, but then his vision settled and he realized: "Holy HAIRDRESSER, I'm late for work!"

"You're not seriously going to go to work with a hangover are you?" Rath questioned from his flat position on the floor. His hands weren't well enough to pick him up yet. Rune ignored him and rushed out their front door—mangled clothes, disaster hairdo, and hangover all horribly in place.

"There's nothing to eat." Thatz complained from beside the mini-fridge. "I'm gonna get dressed and go grocery shopping. Wanna come?"

"You don't have work today?"

"My case resolved itself early. You coming?" The red-headed young man wandered back into the living room.

"No, I'm still a little hazy from last night. You go ahead." Rath's reply was muffled by the carpet.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Kharl, you have a package here!" Garfakcy called from the front door, and dragged the fairly large box into the stairs dining room. With a huge heave, the tiny assistant managed to force it onto the main table. Kharl wandered into the room, whistling happily and waving a pair of box cutters. With a quick swipe, he tore the box up and admired its contents. "What's in it?" Garfakcy stood on his tippy toes to try and see over the top edge. Kharl the jerked the flaps shut and clutched the package to his chest.

"Nothing... Absolutely nothing!"

Garfakcy caught sight of the red letters printed on the side of the cardboard box. Blinking, he realized they said: Secret Stuff for Stalking People to the EXTREME!

"Kharl, why does the box say 'Secret Stuff for Stalking People to the EXTREME?'"

Kharl could no longer stand secrecy and burst. "I got this equipment to spy on Silk." As soon as he heard it, the little assistant shook his head and turned to walk away.

"I don't even wanna hear about it."

"Come on Garfakcy! This stuff is really expensive, and it's really cool too!" Kharl grinned like a child with a puppy. Garfakcy turned back around to face him.

"What did you get exactly?"

"Well, I have a checklist here. So let's just run off the list, shall we? Night vision goggles, bungee cords, cameras, flashlights, a high tech. computer with the latest in tracking software-"

"Ok, enough! I knew I didn't want to hear. Your stalking Silk makes me sick. How pathetic are you man!" Garfakcy growled.

"But I love her!"

"Well she doesn't love you." The tri-color haired manager barked and wandered off into the other room.

Kharl stood there for a moment in silence, and reached into his back pocket and pulled out an old leather wallet. He slowly flipped it open, admiring the faded photograph trapped inside. They'd taken that picture years ago… With kindergarten class.

"...I love her..."

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"When will you be back, Miss?" Cesia called from the front steps as Silk started the engine of her MINI mini.

"I'm going to my hairdresser to get this awful mess fixed. I'll probably be back in a few hours." She swiftly put the car in reverse and began to pull out of the driveway. Halfway to the corner, she flicked on the radio knob. The voices began blaring just as she reached a stop sign.

"Requests and dedications now! K-Earth ONE - O - ONE! Who do you want this song to go out to?"

"I would love to dedicate this song to my beloved Silk-" The blonde's eyes jerked to her dashboard as if it had suddenly come to life. She slammed on the gas pedal and sped her way down the street, successfully blowing away several innocent joggers. Her already terrified heart skipped a beat when the dedicated song started playing.

"There she was just a walkin' down the street, singing doo-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!"

Silk could take no more of it and desperately flicked the knob to another station.

"This is Karaoke Hour, at your station for the best tunes--90.7!"

Silk jerked the MINI mini to a stop at a red light and waited impatiently, drumming her fingers on the wheel.

"I KNOW YOU WANNA LEAVE ME, BUT I REFUSE TO LET YOU GOOO! IF I HAVE TO BEG, PLEAD, FOR YOUR SYMPATHY, I DONT MIND...'CAUSE YOU MEAN THAT MUCH TO ME! AIN'T TO PROUD TO BEG-"

_Could it be? Kharl!_ She howled dreadfully to herself. "-SWEET DARLING! PLEASE DONT LEAAAVE ME GIIIIRLLL-"

_It is him!_ She thought, and she frantically changed the station again. _God, he's everywhere!_

"Todos los dias... Todos los dias..."

"I never thought I would be happy to hear the Spanish channel, but I guess I was wrong." Silk let free a small sigh of relief, which was bound to be shattered by the next line-

"ME GUSTA SILK, TODOS LOS DIAS!"

He was everywhere, even on the Spanish station! _This will not freak me out. He cannot be on two channels at once. I'll just change to FM radio… _She tried to keep the wheel straight as she zoomed around the corner.

"Hello! This is Jamie and Danny and you're listening to STAR 98.7!"

_Please save me, Jamie and Danny..._

"So, how long have you loved this woman?" The radio genius Danny questioned their caller.

"I have loved her ever since we were little; childhood sweethearts you know."

"Does she love you back?" Jamie asked curiously.

Silk waited for a reply. It sounded like Kharl… It whined like Kharl… But it could have been just another sad and lonely depressed person with no one to talk to, right?

"She said she doesn't, but I will be willing to do anything."

"That is so cheesy dude! What's this chick's name again?" Danny laughed.

"Silk..."

The actress looked back at the road suddenly, and was forced to spin the wheel completely around to avoid oncoming traffic. Like an expert Yoga student, she took a deep breath and pulled into the salon's parking lot. Frozen, not quite willing to believe Kharl had suddenly managed to get himself onto every channel of the radioat once, she sat dumbfounded at the wheel.

"Silk eh? Sounds like a hair product. Is this the famous Silk all the girls hate because Kharl loves her?" Jamie paused and then her voice grew suddenly more excited. "Are you Kharl?" She questioned.

"I am Kharl. And I-"

"Oh my God! Let's do lunch sometime dud-" Danny broke Kharl's monologue and then was interrupted himself when Jamie slammed into the conversation.

"Why would he have lunch with _you_, when he knows he could have dinner with _me_?" Jamie screeched over the microphone.

"Don't get snappy with me!" Danny shouted back.

Silk couldn't take anymore and switched it off. She grabbed her purse and slowly exited the car; slamming the door shut. She glanced back over her shoulder to the dark side of the MINI mini.

_He's loved me since childhood, eh? That is such a lie._

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Where have you been?" The manager of Daring Dragon's hair salon snapped coldly, a long pale hand planted awkwardly on his hip. Rune glanced up and down at his boss, and raised a messy eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry Tetheus… I totally overslept and I mean... Is ten minutes such a big deal?" Sleepily, the elfin-like boy shrugged and walked over to his station of hairdryers, hairsprays, and brushes.

"Just don't let me catch you being late again!" Tetheus sighed dramatically. Suddenly their conversation was put on hold as the door swung open. Tetheus broke free of his momentary shock. "Silk, darling!" Rune froze.

"It has been awhile Tetheus, how are you?" The bedraggled actress grinned weakly.

"Sad like always. Rune is here today, so he will assist you over there." Tetheus pointed in Rune's direction. Like a perfect gentleman, the blond boy swung out the plastic covered chair and let her sit.

Runes hands were shaking violently as he pulled the black apron over her clothes and lifted her hair out. "What can I do for you today Miss S-silk?" He said, trying to sound casual.

"I want my hair a totally different color, to fix this awful paint mix. I don't care what it is, as long as it isn't blonde! Just work your magic!"

"O-okay..." The pale hairdresser tried his best to sound confident.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"I'll be out for a while Garfakcy!" Kharl grinned brightly and shut the door of her pale blue MINI mini. The back of the poor tiny car was jammed with his "equipment". Never know when their might be a sudden Silk sighting! The car pulled nicely into a grocery store parking space that dwarfed it. The lilac-haired actor fiddled with the knobs on the Silk-Sensor at his waist and double-checked the sound system in his ear piece. This wasn't the biggest town, and Silk could be close!

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Thatz browsed the aisles of the supermarket and began plucking items off the shelves.

Kharl wandered through the vegetable section, toying with his ear piece. Was that? Yes it was! A conversation between Silk and her hairdresser! Suddenly the piece vibrated with a feminine scream.

"AHHHHHHHH! **What have you done to my hair?"** Silk shrieked, catching sight of a ruby red haired woman in the mirror before her.

"You said something different," Rune grinned weakly.

"I might have said 'something different' but I didn't mean for you to turn me into a drag queen!" Silk stammered as she lifted herself up from the salon chair. "I'm not paying for this disastrous hair color! I refuse!"

Suddenly Tetheus came running from the back to attend to Silk. "What in the holy name of Head n' Shoulders have you done to our dear customer?"

"She said 'something different'!" Rune whimpered, as he began putting his colors away.

"It looks MARVELOUS!" Tetheus beamed, bending to hug the unfortunate actress.

"WHAT?" Rune and Silk shouted.

"Yes, yes! It's daring! It's bold… It indeed looks _fabulous_, darling! And you don't have to worry about the price or anything, it is all on us!" He grinned, placing a hand on his hip and winking. Interrupting their little moment, Rune tossed one of his products in the trash bin with an audible "thunk".

"Tetheus, we're out of Rippin', Ragin' Red hair dye." Tetheus sighed to himself.

"Weren't we full last week?"

"No, I used it on Thatz when he came in."

"Oh alright, I'll run to the grocery store to get some." Rune blinked as he heard the origin of his commonly used dye. As the dramatic and suspiciously friendly manager began walking away, he waved goodbye to Silk. "Call me darling, we'll do tea sometime!"

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

_So hungry, must eat_. Thatz's stomach began to growl as he wandered down the toiletry aisle. Weakly, the Rippin' Ragin' Red head lawyer put a tube of toothpaste in his cart. At the sudden sound of a familiar footstep, his russet eyes darted up quickly. "Kharl?" Could it really be him? Thatz rubbed his eyes, thinking it could be some sort of mirage, but no, there was his lilac-haired goodness in the flesh!

Entering the grocery store, Tetheus removed his sunglasses, allowing his dark eyes to adjust to the indoor light. Suddenly, he spotted someone. Someone with lilac hair, pale eyes, and an angry scowl. Kharl. Kharl beating on a store Coke machine, howling about a lost dollar.

"Stupid FANTA!" Kharl screeched. Finally the bottle clunked down into the slot, and Kharl grinned happily. Singing the Fanta theme lightly under his breath, the pale actor pushed his grocery filled cart toward the cashier's stand.

Sneakily, Thatz hurried over to the checkout line that Kharl was toddling toward, number 6. Before he could get there to offer his services to the angelic Soap star, an excruciatingly tall cashier popped out from underneath the register with a bright, cheery smile on his face. Wait… that cashier looked awfully familiar… _Wait a second! Isn't that Tetheus, Rune's manager? It is--the bitch!_

Kharl had moved into the next aisle, but that didn't stop Tetheus from calling him over. _That Kharl freak Tetheus must have stolen an apron to make people think he's a cashier!_ Thatz growled and began to stomp in the perky manager's direction. Tetheus paused in his calling to glance at the name tag plaster on his new uniform. How was it pronounced? 'Laqweesha'?

Unfortunately for the obsessed hairdresser, his calls of "Kharl-chan!" had alerted the other shop workers to Kharl's presence. Swiftly, they swarmed the cashier's spot in register 6, trying to overthrow Tetheus and be the one to serve Kharl. _Autograph hunters_. The tall dark-haired man hissed to himself. With a skill that could only be gained through intensive cosmetic study, he bare-boxed the crowd of employees to the ground. Patting the non-existent dust from his hands, he called to Kharl once again. With a half sigh of defeat, the star turned and clambered up to Tetheus' register.

"Price check on hottie." The hairdresser grinned cheekily, and secretly kicked the unconscious bodies away from his feet. Kharl blinked, suddenly very frightened of the taller man.

"Uh sorry-" Kharl peered at the name tag, "-Laqweesha, but I don't swing that way."

"OH, but I do!" Tetheus squealed. _I KNEW it._ Thatz growled as he hurried toward them. _Rune didn't believe me, and here's the proof! Stay away from Kharl you haircutting loser! I'll save you Jimmy!_ Thoughtfully, the possibly-a-thief-but-hiding-it red head crept over to the 'Staff Only' door. _What he needed was-AHA! A light switch!_ In one mighty rush, he flicked it off. A few of the still conscious employees screamed as the lights died. He pushed the door open, to see the grocery store, conveniently windowless, had gone a pitch black. The weakly lighted register numbers had not turned off, and like a solider in the line of fire, the lawyer crawled by elbow over to lane six. Feeling around for a bag at the bagging end, he snatched it and crept toward the metal cart.

"OH, I'm so afraid of the dark!" Tetheus squealed, and hid, whimpering, under the register. Kharl tripped on the end of his cart and crumpled hopelessly to the floor. In the bare light, Thatz could hardly make out his lavender plume.

"I'm here you save you!" In one quick motion he threw the grocery bag over Kharl's head.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

**Author's Notes:** Thatz, what are you going to do with him now that you have him? It's going to a saving-kidnapping adventure! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and yes Tetheus is gay... Sorry Tetheus fans, but he was just another victim of Where We Are. Stay tuned for the next chapter… If my beta-reader ever finishes it!

Beta's Notes: Heh, heh… It's here isn't it? Nevermind that it's like two months late…Don't kill me! And Turtle… WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO TETHEUS? Laqweesha? I was dying in my seat when I finally read this thing in its entirety. Please dear readers, don't hate Turtlechan for what she's done… She drew names randomly and Tetheus was the one who got picked. Ruwalk was the runner up. And don't worry—you'll be seeing some more familiar faces in new roles soon! Kaistern noooo, that's my sandwhich! You drifter, get your own!

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Preview of the next chapter, "Cleaning Out My Shrine":

Rath: Thatz… How did you get Kharl?  
Kharl: If its money you're after, I won't pay one cent! Let me out of this closet!

Review Responses:

**DragonessFei:** Haha, we're right there with you... In fact, we were the bus drivers who drove the KKK buses to the cult branch warehouse shrine!  
**Ojosnegro:** Thanks so much for likely our crazy story… And yes, it is an interesting pairing.. Ah, but the backstory romance is starting to reveal itself slowly but surely. (Sareh says: I'm going to MAKE it advance. They can't hate each other forever.)  
**Serenity Komoshiro:** Heh girlfriend, it's nice to get reviewsfrom people I know. (Sareh says: AMRII, write a better review this time!)  
**Aquajogger:** Oops, don't want to get you into trouble. But hee hee, I'm glad you like it! And the little soap fanboys are going to get their shining moments in the coming chapters… Of course, Guadeloupe isn't going to let Kharl hog all the limelight!

-(x)—(x)—(x)-


	5. Fears, Jeers, and Traffic Jams

Beta-Reader's Notes: I have a story to tell you all. It involves two years going by in a flash. Like literally. I have no idea how this sat around for so long. We both got caught up in so many things, big changes in life… It was easy to forget about this story. But never fear… because I have the next two chapters already ready laid out before me to beta-read. I won't let this story die again. Sorry there's no author's note this time either. Turtle didn't write one and it's much too late (3 AM) to ask her for one now. Please enjoy and review! (This chapter is a bit less humorous—Turtle is starting to, you know, write the plot and romance now.)

**Disclaimer:** TurtleChan had this wonderful rhyme for you all… But I thought it was more likely to incite lawsuits then prevent them, so I had to get rid of it. I'm so boring; I'm going to make you all suffer through a standard disclaimer. Take a look at this story lawyers… Does it look like we own Dragon Knights?

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Chapter 5  
Fears, Jeers, and Traffic Jams  
**By: TurtleChan**  
_FINALLY Beta-Read By: Sarehptar_

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Uhh, Thatz?" Rath blinked in the direction of his roommate, who was devouring a pint of Ben and Jerry's _Rocky Road_ at roughly the speed of a rabid squirrel in a peanut factory. Rath wasn't sure where the ice cream had come from, but Thatz was an expert at making food materialize from nowhere. "He's not dead right?" The black-haired boy stretched out and gingerly poked Kharl with a sock-clad toe.

"Would I kill _the_ Kharl?" Thatz, insulted by the very idea, brandished his dripping spoon like a sword. Rath leapt aside and scrambled desperately for a weapon; finding none, he grudgingly surrendered to the sticky pokes.

"Where did you find him?" Rath blinked, finally hit by the gravity of the situation.

"I snagged him at the grocery store!" Thatz's cheeky grin was full of chocolate chunks.

"How in the name of Arinas TV did you pull that off?!" In answer, Thatz mimed pulling a bag over someone's head.

"Is that why he's unconscious? I told that weirdo store clerk their bags were not environmentally safe... But nooo! He was all like 'We use the only finest reclaimed-waste-recycled bags!'" Kharl twitched a bit in his sleep, but fell still again quickly.

"Uh Thatz..." A sudden shudder shot down Rath's spine. "Rune knows about this, right?" There was a long, unpleasant silence.

"That's not important—I mean we have Kharl, _the_ Kharl, on my bed!"

"He's going to kill you for not calling him," Rath's smile had a blindly sadistic sparkle. Thatz nearly swallowed his spoon.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Silk's MINI-mini crawled down the road at roughly the speed of a slightly salted snail. She shot another glance up at the rear-view mirror, ignoring the massive line of cars piling up behind her in favor of staring at the Rippin' Ragin' Red disaster splashed on top of her head. The purse at her side vibrated suddenly, followed by an irritating MIDI ringtone that filled the silent car. Jerking the MINI-mini to complete stop in the middle of the road, she fished around in her purse.

"Where is it?!" The ringing continued, though it was punctured by more than a few raucous car horns. "Ah, got it!" She flipped the LG Chocolate open with a flourish, and took a moment to check the caller ID. _Whew, it's not Kharl!_ Not that she was able to identify his number or anything…

"Hello?"

"Miss Silk! Miss Silk! Where are you?" Cesia's panicked voice rattled in the speaker.

"I'm on the road back home."

"Turn on the radio, right now!"

"NO!" Silk shrieked back instantaneously. "NEVER! NEVER!" The horrible Spanish karaoke echoed in her head. _Me gusta Silk!_ She felt the sudden urge to throw up, violently.

Taking a slow and steady breath, the red-headed woman finally started driving again, only to reach a red light twenty feet down the road. Behind her, numerous rude gestures were being flashed out of car windows.

"It's absolutely terrible Miss Silk…" Cesia howled, and then blew her nose dramatically, as if she was speaking through tears. The light turned green and Silk eased her way into the intersection. "Kharl's been kidnapped, again!"

"WHAT?!" The MINI-mini wrenched to a whiplash-worthy stop as Silk's foot crushed the brake pedal into the floor.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Good-bye!"

"Good-bye!"

"Good-bye Garfakcy-chan!"

"Good-bye ladies! Come again soon." The assistant smirked and waved the twittering maids away. With a petulant sigh, he slammed Kharl's front door and snatched the TV remote up before throwing himself back down onto the imported Victorian love-seat. He shot a glance at the clock before clicking on the seventy-two inch Plasma screen and flicking through the channels quickly.

"And today, on Oprah—" The gold background and credits flashed swiftly, and Garfakcy wriggled down into the rough antique fabric. Suddenly the entire screen flashed black. Oprah was instantly replaced by the Kharl News Network background. "—we interrupt your normally scheduled broadcast for a breaking news report!"

"This better be good," the assistant snarled, "Oprah was so gonna rip on James Frey today!" That thought was dropped instantly; his blood ran cold. "I… let Mr. Kharl go grocery shopping on his own. The KKK..." The remote slipped from his shaking hand. "I didn't tell them." _I could have made_ _more money!_

"Today, at approximately half past noon," the KNN announcer began, "a kidnapping occurred at Glaciosa Grocery! The dead sexy and incredibly famous soap opera star –do I even need to say his name? Oh well, I will anyway because I just love hearing it!– Kharl was snatched away by an unknown assailant. The lights had been shut off prior to the attack, and all the store employees were inexplicably unconscious, but one person did manage to get a glimpse of the suspect. The kidnapper's appearance is as follows—"

"I should have known something like this would happen." No really, he should have known. Stiffly, the boy whipped out his Motorola and dialed. "This is Mad Maid. Put me through to Cernozura, now." The Where We Are theme began to play in the phone in place of holding music.

"H-Hello?" The voice was shaking and thick.

"So you're not the one behind it Cernozura?"

"No! This is absolutely terrible!" She pulled the phone away to blow her nose. Garfakcy's own nose wrinkled in disgust. "But we have got all our girls and guys out there searching, right now. I'll alert you immediately once they find him."

"All right." He hung up without as much as a good-bye. This was terrible? This was more than terrible! For one, Kharl's life could be at stake—even worse, Garfakcy's bank account could be at stake! They hadn't even finished filming for the new episode… if they didn't get Kharl back soon, the entire production could fall off schedule. That would hurt Where We Are profits, indirectly hurting Garfakcy's profits!

_I'll find you Mr. Kharl!_ The boy took a moment to pose dramatically, imagining a glorious warrior outfit and a shining blade. _What the—why does my fantasy self look ashy?!_

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"…What do you mean?" Silk remained stalled in the middle of the intersection, cars desperately trying to drive around her by any means necessary. Several jumped curbs to cruise down the sidewalks, causing startled pedestrians to scatter like cockroaches in every direction.

"Exactly what I—"

"HURRY UP MISTER!" a cab driver trapped behind her hollered out his window.

"Excuse me Cesia," Silk murmured in to the phone in a deceptively calm voice. With the speed of a striking cobra she whipped her red head out the window and glared back. The cab driver froze in shock upon seeing her feminine face, and all he could offer was a prolonged "ooohh…"

"GO AROUND!" Silk screamed and pulled her head back into the car. "Sorry about that Cesia."

"It's okay." Silence descended for a few moments, broken only by quiet sniffling on the assistant's end.

"Well?! What happened?!" Silk shouted finally.

"I'm not entirely sure, I just heard…" Grudgingly, Silk shifted the phone to her other hand and turned on the radio. She didn't even need to switch stations. The details of the kidnapping echoed quietly in her car. Unable to understand it all around the broadcaster's heavy sobbing, Silk shut the radio off quickly, plunging into silence once more (with the exception of the horns honking incessantly all around her.)

_Who was it?_ _Those crazy KKK people? Another group of desperate fans? A psycho stalker?_ She couldn't help but play the scene out in her head. What if the kidnappers had been rough? Or what if it was some freaky fetish girl who had Kharl all tied up in her closet by now, planning to kill him and stuff his body so he'd never leave her?!

"Miss Silk, are you there?"

What if Kharl died? What would Where We Are do without him? What would the fangirls do without him? She could just imagine the funeral—the world would weep!

"Hello, Miss Silk?"

_This can't be happening… and why do I care? Am I actually… worried about Kharl? NO SILK! NO! END IT NOW!_

"SILK!"

"What?!" the actress shouted back, jerked from her uncomfortable thoughts.

"Where are you?"

For the first time, the actress stopped to take a real look around. "I'm… in the middle of an intersection."

"Come home Miss Silk," Cesia sighed through the phone.

"No, I can't… I… I have to find Kharl." The red-head hung up with quiet good-bye and started inching the MINI-mini forward at last, squeezing through the massive traffic jam with only a little difficulty.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Rune trudged up the apartment building stairs, making no effort to silence his stomping. He slouched down the hall, replaying his favorite soap actress' horrified comments over and over in his head. Had he really done such a terrible job? How would she film with red hair? How would the public take it? _Well, they already hate her, so it's not like a bad dye job could make it worse…_

He jammed his weathered key into the tarnished doorknob and stepped into the apartment, surprised to find it dark inside. "Hello? Thatz, Rath?"

"Oh crap," Thatz hissed, staring toward the hallway as he heard Rune approaching, "he's home!"

"Stay here." Rath slunk out of the bedroom, plastering himself to the hallway wall like a secret agent on a deadly mission. He slid among the shadows, humming James Bond music for emotional support, and reached the living room doorway just as Rune was stepping through it. Blocking the blond's progress, Rath tried to force a brave smile onto his face. It came across like stomach sickness.

"Hey, Rune… What's up?" He tried to make his voice steady and knew the hairdresser would never forgive them for not telling sooner.

"Where's Thatz?" The blue-eyed boy, effectively bared for entering his room, turned and headed into the kitchen, dropping his keys on the counter as he went.

"Oh, he's… sick! He went to bed early."

"Some grocery shopping he did," Rune growled, half buried in their refrigerator. "There is not one vegetable or fruit in here." Nodding vaguely, Rath dropped to the couch, flicking the TV on. He turned the volume down quickly, hoping to avoid as much of Rune's attention as possible—at least until he had some excuse why they hadn't called screaming the moment Kharl fell into their clutches.

Without warning, the TV flashed a seizure-inducing message. "Kidnapping" scrawled repeatedly across the screen. _Oh my God, that's right! It's gonna be on every channel!_

"Is there anything good on?" the blond called, slamming the refrigerator door.

Frantically scrambling to shut the TV off, Rath stuttered out, "N-Nope, nothing at all. Let's just order pay-per-view!"

"Since there's nothing to eat in this house, I'll have to call for take-out…" The blue-eyed stylist sighed and shot the kitchen phone a venomous glare.

"That sounds good!"

"Rath, what is the matter with you tonight? You hate take-out."

"There is absolutely noth—" A sudden shout snipped Rath's reassurance in two.

"SILK!" the muffled voice called. Both boys stared, wide-eyed, at the bedroom door, where the sound had surely come from.

"What… was that?"

"Stupid Thatz," Rath laughed nervously, feeling a drop of sweat slide down his temple, "he's been talking about Silk a lot in his sleep lately."

"ME GUSTA SILK!" Shooting the door another contemplative look, Rune strode around the kitchen counter and toward the hallway. Rath made a desperate leap to stop him, locking his hands around Rune's wrist as he fell and landing them both in a tangled heap on the floor.

"It's nothing!" the dark-haired boy insisted. "Just Thatz dreaming about what he can't have. Definitely wouldn't want to go in there right now!" _Excuse, excuse, need an excuse!_

"SILK! I… love… you."

"Well he needs to put a cork in it," Rune growled, untangling himself from the red-eyed waiter. "That is really irritating!" Without warning, he slid around Rath and ripped the bedroom door open.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Restlessly, Silk pulled herself out of the MINI-mini and slowly wandered into the building before her. It was a skyscraper, glass windows sparkling beautifully in the sun. Inside was just a breath-taking; everything was coated in gold gilt and plush red velvet. Concierges raced back and forth, helping patrons with their bags.

Guests' eyes locked on her instantly, and she ducked her face to avoid being seen by any Where We Are fans. More than a few people were pointing at her—more specifically, at her hair.

"Hello, welcome to Embassy Suites!" a pale, cheery blonde girl waved at her from behind the receptionists' desk. Perfect, just the help she needed. The girls' eyes were a soft blue-green, and Silk was suddenly struck with familiarity. _Have I seen her somewhere before?_

Those bright eyes focused on her sharply for a moment, and then a brilliant smile swept across the blonde girl's face.

"Silk?! My god, I can't believe it's you!"

"W-What?" Silk took a nervous step back at the receptionist's outburst.

"You don't remember me? College, we shared a dorm common room. We were in Delta Chi toget—" Before she could finish, Silk slapped a hand across her mouth.

"Ssh!" The actress' green eyes darted back and forth across the lobby. All right, so working with Kharl had made her paranoid. Never know when some obsessed fan would want to get revenge for on her for breaking Jimmy's heart… "Who are you?"

"It's me," the girl whispered, once Silk had pulled her hand back, "Tintlett!"

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Oh… my… Dye!" Rune's voice leaked out in a shuttering gasp. Rath winced, refusing to open his eyes and see Rune's shock melt into fury. "You guys… CLEANED IT, FINALLY!" The waiter's crimson eyes shot open instantly, taking in the room—which was utterly clean and empty. Thatz and Kharl were nowhere to be seen. Except for a strand of lilac hair sticking out from underneath the bed! Rath nonchalantly leapt across the room and shoved the hair further underneath the mattress with his foot.

"I thought you said Thatz was sleeping in here."

"Umm," Rath bit his lip, shifting and scrambling to make up an excuse, "Thatz is… a sleepwalker!"

"No he's not." Rune looked a bit confused. "And even if he was, you were here the whole time. He couldn't have gone out his bedroom door."

"…He must not have used the door."

"Rath, we're on the sixth floor and we have no balcony. Thatz could not have slept-walked out the window." The hairdresser was starting to get fed up now, Rath could tell. He'd crossed his arms and any minute now he'd launch into the foot tapping…

"Well, sure he—" The bed twitched suddenly, soft words leaking out from under it.

"Silk, where are you?"

Rune spun around, looking for the source of the voice. "What was that?" Rath paled and his mind went utterly blank. His body however, moved on its own, flopping down dramatically on the mattress.

"Thatz bought a new bed today! It talks!" The entire mattress leapt and buckled in a violent bout of convulsions. Rath clung to the sheets to stay planted on it. "And umm… it's also a vibrator!"

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Silk's face lit with recognition and joy. "Tintlett?! OH MY—"

"GOD!" they screamed in unison. A few guests and the bell-hop boys shot worried glances in their direction.

"It's been so long!" the pale blonde smiled.

"When was the last time—the Delta Chi dinner! Rim Kaana knocked the ice sculpture swan into the pool." They both held back a gale of giggles at the memory.

"I love what you did to your hair. Did you get tired of being blonde?" Tintlett ran a hand through the soft red locks.

"I totally didn't want it this color. The hairdresser went crazy."

"But I think it looks good on you! Most people can't pull off red—oh!" The aqua-eyed girl looked taken-aback for a moment. "What can I help you with, by the way?"

"I just needed to use a phone. My cell phone battery is dying and I'm going to need to make a lot of calls."

Tintlett called another receptionist over to take her place and showed Silk to the phones for patrons. "Who do you need to call?" the blonde girl asked curiously, feeling a bit too forward with her old friend.

"Everyone. I have to find out if anyone has leads to Kharl's whereabouts." _He rescued me when we were hijacked by those cult girls… It wouldn't be fair of me to leave him completely alone. I have to pay him back. And that is all I am doing!_

"I heard about the kidnapping. It's absolutely horrible!" Tintlett frowned, worrying the hem of her uniform skirt.

"…You aren't another one of his groupies, are you?"

"Why wouldn't I be? He's hot!" the blonde girl muttered defensively.

"Tintlett, you need to be saved," Silk sighed. She threw herself down in the chair in front of the phone, surprised when Tintlett took the seat beside her.

"You're so lucky," the light-eyed girl murmured and she looked a little sad, "to have someone who loves you that much."

"I…" Silk wasn't sure what to say, or even what to think. She had never once considered herself lucky to be loved by Kharl. "I just don't understand why everyone loves him. And out of all those people –any one of those people he could have with one word– he has to choose me! It's making my life a living hell."

"If you really hate him that much, why are you here trying to help him?"

"W-We work together! If he doesn't come back to work, I could lose my job. I'm just looking out for myself," she insisted, reaching out and gripping the phone more tightly than she should have.

"I see. So you're not even a little bit worried about him?" Tintlett's soft face was marred by a trace of disapproval. Silk dialed the phone instead of answering her.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Where… am I?" A muffled voice filtered out from under the bed. "Why… is there a dust bunny in my mouth?"

Rune's gaze immediately shifted from his dark-haired friend to the floor and the source of the voice. Without a thought excepting saving himself and stopping the noise, Rath jammed his heel underneath the mattress frame.

A sharp wail of agony erupted in the room. "MY NOSE!"

Unable to take anymore, Rune ripped the blankets up and leaned down, coming face to face with—a bloody and confused soap opera star.

"…Kharl?" The hairdresser barely had time to squeak before he fell over backward in a dead faint.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

The afternoon turned swiftly into evening and Silk had shifted through almost every number in her phone book. She'd long since run out of change, and had resorted to using her credit card. There was nothing. Not even one person had a clue to Kharl's whereabouts.

Lykouleon had been in hysterics when she'd called, muttering wildly about how his 'kingdom was now doomed to fall' and 'darkness was gaining the upper hand!' She hadn't been quite sure what to make of that. Fedelta hadn't seemed unhappy about the kidnapping at all when she'd gotten a hold of him, but that was to be expected… None of the other actors had seen him either, and Raseleane had just twittered a bit before asking why Silk was so interested in finding Kharl.

"Why don't you call it a day?" Tintlett returned silently. She'd gone back to finish her shift after taking a break, and was finally off for the night. "I'll get you a room upstairs and you can try again tomorrow?"

Dropping the phone back on its cradle with more force than necessary, the red-head staggered to her sleeping legs. Tintlett hurried off to book the room, returning with the keys.

"Why don't you stay too?" Silk suggested, pulling the taller girl toward the elevator. "We could eat the stale mini-bar popcorn and stay up all night talking about our crazy lives."

"My life would be completely uninteresting compared to yours," Tintlett sighed softly, but followed the actress on to the elevator anyway.

"I'd love to hear a normal story for once," Silk murmured as the metal doors swung shut.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

"Um, where exactly am I?" Kharl asked again, clutching a tissue to his nose, which simply refused to stop bleeding. "The last thing I remember was buying ravioli…" Rune, still unconscious, took up the other side of the bed, and Kharl was careful not to jostle the blond stranger.

Though Thatz had not returned from wherever he had hidden, Rath had much more important things on his mind.

"What does this one do?" Rath pushed another button on Kharl's Silk Stalking equipment.

"That one records under water—no wait, I remember buying TV dinners too…"

"What's this one do?"

"That one reads auras. There was Fanta in there somewhere. I definitely bought a Fanta."

"And this one?"

"Infrared vision," the soap star replied without even really hearing the strange dark-haired boy's questions. "And then… then I was listening to… Silk."

_Silk_… The blond stranger slept on, the crimson-eyed boy wouldn't stop staring; Kharl couldn't think of anything but her, out there somewhere, looking at the same city skyline.

-(x)—(x)—(x)-

Wearily, Silk collapsed onto one of the queen beds, flicking on the lamp. Tintlett hummed happily as she washed off her make-up in the bathroom. Numbly, the red-head reached into the bedside drawer for the TV remote. News of the kidnapping would cover every station, but if there was even one clue…

"The suspect," began the newscaster, who looked as if she was already in mourning, "is described as being between five and six feet tall, of medium build with lighter skin and green eyes. The hair color was described distinctly by the single witness as being 'Rippin' Ragin' Red'."

Every thought in Silk's head fled in an instant. _Rippin' Ragin' Red… green eyes… light skin… medium build…_

_That… sounds like me!_

-(x)—(x)—(x)-


End file.
